I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this will be a night to untag.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
