i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
