On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
