quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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