Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
