Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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