She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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