I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
