Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
