Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
