mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize