Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
