Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
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