I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Where did you get a picture of my penis
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
