nut hugger
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
