we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
