I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
