i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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