im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
