Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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