its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well you can't waste a boner
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
