there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
