Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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