We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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