dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
