this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
