Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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