Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
