herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
