Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
