after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
