it wasn't lemon gatorade
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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