bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
