My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
