don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
