I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I will die if light touches me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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