True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
