dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
