its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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