i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
