I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
