piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
