Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
