She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
