Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
