Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
