Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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