saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wear drunk well.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
