Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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