you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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