I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
