Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
