3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
