I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
