im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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