remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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