well you can't waste a boner
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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