I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just google imaged poop.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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