Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
