New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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