So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
