All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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