I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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