fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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