She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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