How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what the fuck happened to the tacos
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
