At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
