I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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