She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
