just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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