Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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