loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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