I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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