i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
