Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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