Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
