she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
