the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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