her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
