just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
