you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
