just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
