My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
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we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Come on in and take your pants off
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