i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
