okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
