forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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