Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
