She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
God I need to hump something, right now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
